


Your letter arrived!

by RhiaFlammensang



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Podcast: Fanatical Fics and Where to Find Them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:02:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27527323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RhiaFlammensang/pseuds/RhiaFlammensang
Summary: You always wanted to go to Hogwarts, but your letter never came? Here it is. There is a place for all those lost Harry Potter fans, a wicked, slightly cursed but beautiful place where everyone can feel at home. Be prepared for fanfic tropes running wild.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	Your letter arrived!

**Author's Note:**

> This is my personal loveletter to Kim, Sequoia and the fanatical fam discord server. (available for Patreons of the Fanatical Fics and where to find them Podcast) I've written in in a way where hopefully everyone can relate, a bit like a self-insert.  
> As english is not my primary language, please be nice about my style.

It was a dreadful, ordinary day. I was alone with my toxic thoughts and no one to share them with. The sky grey and the earth damp and muddy. Suddenly I hear infectious laughter coming from somewhere ahead and I look up. Two girls are walking with each other talking and laughing. Even though I don’t want to pry on them I get a bit closer to hear what they are talking about. Between all the laughter I catch only single words. “Squid” and “Draco” and more names I know. Are they really talking about Harry Potter? I thought, Harry Potter was dead. No one wants to be a fan of that anymore after everything, this stupid woman had said. And yet there are these girls smirking at each other and giggling and one of them even seems to have tears on her cheeks. Are they just as terrible as that woman? Just as that thought crossed my mind, I hear about trans-Sirius getting on with Remus. Wow… They not only seem to be decent human beings but also have great ships! By now I have followed them around for a couple of blocks. One of them utters something about a broomshed and the other squeals and shakes her head. What are they talking about? I’m intrigued. 

The squealing one cries out: “I’m so uncomfortable, stop it!” I frown. Are they ok? But in that moment the other one gives her a side hug and laughs softly, just to say: “I’ve found that one for you!”  
More laughing. Suddenly I realise I have been following for far too long. They would probably think I am a stalker if they weren’t so caught up in their talk. I stop and sadness catches on. I have almost forgotten how shitty my life was and how alone I was as I was listening to them. I turn around, ready to get back where I was before, as I hear their voices cry out to me. “Hey, let’s go to the points moon!” I look back, dumbstruck. They are looking at me, smiles on their faces and hands stretched out my way. 

“What? You mean me?” They nod enthusiastically. “Yes, we have been waiting for you! Do you want to join us? We have a letter for you!” Still confused I step a bit closer. One of them holds out a letter.  
“I’m Kim! I do all the silly voices of your favourite characters and disturb Sequoia with weird stories!” I blink confused. What is happening? I slowly grab the letter from the other one, who must be Sequoia. “Don’t worry about Kim! We like to read Harry Potter Fanfictions to one another. And we founded Hogwarts - kind of.” Kim nods and motions towards the letter. I look down and extract it from its envelope, a nicely structured piece of paper with rainbows on top of the text. I am about to read, as Kim shouts “Tweet at us!” into the air and a few birds seem to comply. Sequoia rolles her eyes. I stare at them a couple seconds longer before I remember the letter. 

“Dear Harry Potter fan! You have been found by the Fanatical Family and are welcome to join us in Hogwarts. Please be aware of the danger it could impose on your sanity, your sleep rhythm and your understanding of time. The fam might be responsible for ships you did not want to think about and other cursed sights. If you are willing to take these risks, we are here to give you a new home. If you agree call out for Squid biologists and you will be transported to Hogwarts. (A’N We got rid of the stupid train a while ago, too much danger from a weird dangerous witch and unpleasant people.)If you don’t want to join us, please be safe, stay hydrated and remember to take care of yourself! Yours, Fanatical Family”

While I had been reading, Kim and Sequoia had continued their friendly bickering but someone else was joining them. He seemed to appear out of nothing from behind a tree. Sequoia caught sight of him first and shook her head laughing. “Get back in your box, Colin, it is not yet time for you to come back! Hold for your call, please! ” Colin turned to me, told me to leave him notes at random trees if I wanted to speak with him and disappeared again. I looked back at the girls. “What is happening?” I whispered confused. Both laughed joyously. “Exactly! You’re getting the hang of it! We’ll see you in the rec zone soon, I suppose!” said Sequoia and with that they turned and were gone in mere seconds, laughter still hanging in the air. I shook my head, thinking I had only imagined things, but the letter was still in my hand. At the end of the page was a small note I had not seen before. “Trick everyone every year!” What was that supposed to mean? 

But to my surprise I was smiling. And I felt as good as I had not felt in years. I wanted to get more of that, understand all those jokes and whoever this fanatical family was sounded really nice. A bit intimidating, but nice nevertheless. I looked around but there was no one to be seen. “Squid biologist!” I cried out, and suddenly a pulling sensation seemed to grab me and as I opened my eyes again, I was in Hogwarts. From the outside it looked a lot like the one in the movies. I could hear laughter coming from the inside. In the open door stood a stool with the sorting hat on it. Beside it was a note, to get sorted and tell the hat how you would like to be addressed, so anyone could do so. My legs were wobbly as I put the hat on and plummeted to the stool. The hat put me in the house I always wanted to be in, and relief washed through me, feeling confirmed. I told it my pronouns and stood back up. With the hat back on its stool I strode forward into the entrance hall. 

There was a huge chalkboard on one wall with “Suuumaariiieeeeees” written in bold, colourful letters on top of it and different handwritings below. But there was loud noise coming from what had to be the great hall and I walked in to find a sight completely different from what I had expected. There were no separate house and teacher tables but lots of small tables all over the place and people jumping and running around, others sitting on the tables eating different kinds of meals and pets running about, getting pets whenever they want to. Regularly people disappeared for small amounts of time, only to come back at the same place. I felt a presence behind my back, and someone smiled kindly at me. “Welcome to Hogwarts, I’m your prefect. If you want, I’ll show you around and whenever you have questions, you can come to me or any of the other prefects.” I could see the prefect’s badge now and the house coloured tie and noticed to my surprise I wore one, too. I nod baffled at my prefect and follow them out of the great hall. They show me my common room first. Confused I see some people with other ties in there, too. “Oh, you see, we decided to make every common room available for everyone, just beware of the Ravenclaw’s doorknob, it can be mean sometimes. The Hufflepuffs can help you with your plants if you’re having any difficulties and are hoarding sweets in their common room for all kind of situation where you might need some. The Ravenclaws are sharing daily animal facts and have one giant bed for everyone to cuddle and sleep in. The Slytherins are usually spinning some wild stories in their room and have one of these giant clipboards in there to keep track of everything. The Gryffindors room is fairly quiet, they are mostly all over the castle. We actually have quite few of them around, but you wouldn’t notice because they are loud enough for five individuals.  
We have some homework to do for the house cup, but there are other things to help your house beside those, if you don’t want to do any homework. Over here is a room you can go in, to vent about everything that is happening in your life and bothering you.” We moved past a room with closed door with a sign on it, saying “Let it out or it’ll eat you!”. We were just climbing up a flight of stairs, as suddenly the windows disappeared, and long tentacles entered through the holes. My prefect grabbed my wrist and pulled me into an empty classroom. “What was that?” 

“Oh, nothing, it’s squid month. You’ll see the squid has needs sometimes as well as does the castle.” At that exact moment, the castle quivered. “It should be over soon. We just take cover when it is happening and respect the privacy of the castle and the squid. If you want to feed it, you can give it some burnt cinnamon toast, it really likes that. Squid biologists have approved.” A second, stronger quiver went through the walls and the floor shook wildly underneath our feet. After that, everything was quiet again and we left the room. The glass in the windows had reappeared. The next room we passed was closed, but I could hear screaming and laughter and loud discussion in there. “In here you can talk about your favourite stories.” The next room sounded the same from outside, but it had another sign on it. “Beware of escaping crackfic chaos!” it said. I turned to ask my prefect, but the door flew open in that moment and a naked Hagrid stormed out, followed by a similarly naked Dobby, who screamed about how he had been to America just to become hot for the half giant. Inside rolled a couple of people on the floor, gasping for air as they were laughing so hard. My prefect leaned forwards to whisper in my ear. “It can be a nice place to go, but beware of the smut that is most likely about to happen…” We went up another flight of stairs and came to an open door. Inside of the room was a library and someone who might be Madame Pince walked around. Sometimes someone came up to her and asked her to quote something for them and the librarian did. After she was finished with the quote, she went to one of the shelves and took the book out, she had quoted. I stayed a while in there but finally managed to leave for now and continue my tour. 

“Are you interested in working for the ministry?” my Prefect asked suddenly. “But… aren’t we at school here?” “We took over the ministry a while back and reorganised everything. It was a terribly run place after all. Here is a list of the new departments, we have some who just work in them and some who organise them. If you have an agenda you would like to put into action that is possible, too! We have now not only a minister, but also some Queens who work together on the top of the wizarding community. It has become a far better place after the death of “the author”. Everyone is welcomes and respected and there is much more love everywhere.” I stared up at the prefect, who was a couple years younger than me, as I suddenly realized and swallowed hard. A soft smile built on their face. “You don’t need to decide right now! It is quite a lot.” 

We continued on to the owlery, where a Veela’s nest was situated, the inhabitants out on the ground. I was shown the make out place number one, namely the astronomy tower, went past artists studies, music rooms, a room filled with sticky notes where compliments were written about seemingly all of the inhabitants and many more. Sometime in the tour I heard someone scream through the whole castle “Stay hydrated and remember your medicine” and a glass of water had appeared in my hand. I had also already got to know a handful of people, who would ask if they could hug me and when I agreed gave me the most perfect hugs and welcomed me in the family. I saw a leaderbord hanging on a wall on the fifth floor with names and points changing regularly. Someone ran past me who looked a bit like I had imagined Harry Potter to look like and seconds after he had disappeared behind a corner, I heard someone scream “Who is Harry today?”, followed by the noise of snogging. On the second floor we passed Voldemort giving a speech about the importance of using pronouns correctly. My prefect warned me to never use the Prefects Bathroom, as there was most likely always someone in there having sex. 

Hours later I found myself back in the common room, petting a cat which was introduced to me as King!Neville, surrounded by lovely talking and laughter. I calmed down and felt as if I had finally arrived where I was always meant to be. Someone said goodnight and disappeared, only for someone else to appear minutes later with a big yawn and a cup of coffee in their hands, wishing everyone a good morning. I had lost all feeling of time long ago. There were already sticky notes which complimented me in the complimenting room. I had been able to speak with someone about my mental health issues for the first time without shocking them. When I left Hogwarts to run some errands, I no longer felt alone. The sky was still grey, but I had been able to see the sun through enchanted windows the whole day. Infectious laughter followed me on my way around, stories playing again and again in my head, a slight smile etched into my face. And I was no longer hopeless, because I knew I would be welcomed back with love at Hogwarts. I knew, people there would get what an achievement it had been for me, to do adult things and to face the outside world. 

Finally, all really was well.


End file.
